Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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