you're like a bully in the Christmas story
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
