what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
