I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
