new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
