I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
