all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
