Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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