Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
