Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
