i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
