Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Need sex. Gaining weight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
