$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize