By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
