she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
