The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
