Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
