lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
