last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize