I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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