his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
