you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
