Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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