hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
