Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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