weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
