Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
