I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
