So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
