shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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