just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
