I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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