we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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