The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
