so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
