Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
