I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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