i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
