I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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