Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
