If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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