she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
