This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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