90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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