Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
