I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
