I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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