He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
