Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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