it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
