we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
