sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
