Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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