My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
