i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
