when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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