Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
