Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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