I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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