this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
