How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
