All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
