Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
