speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
a search helicopter?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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