While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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