your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
