The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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