I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
