The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
