Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
