I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
