It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize