I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
