If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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